quit dancing for the dance
- Thread starter Ahava_Melantha
- Start date
Farasha Hanem
New member
At 3:30 am (or whatever it was last night), you would NOT believe what was running through my mind! >.>;;;;
Farasha Hanem
New member
Well, the FIRST thing that ran through my mind was that some restaurant owner was making you hang new wallpaper in his restaurant! But then my tired mind imagined you DANCING with wallpaper! >.>;;; then somehow wallpaper and belly grams kinda crossed my mind---at that point, I gave up and shut my phone off. >.>Wallpaper/belly fusion...
Dances With Wallpaper.
I think my brain hurts! @____@
PracticalDancer
New member
Long response warning, and in the interest of disclosure:
1. I just started my first cup of coffee. Typos and a lack of clarity may need to be cleaned up in editing.
2. These are my opinions about MY dancing, and MY dancing alone. These thoughts do not reflect what I think others should do, except where noted.
I have quit for the art, and I have resumed for the art. I have quit for specific circumstances, only to later come back. And, there are some things that I have considered and quit, never to return.
I have quit for the art, and I have resumed for the art.
In 2011, I had been dancing for about ten years. I had high standards for myself as a result - or, so I thought. And, I also had a devastating hamstring injury that did not heal well, a mess of personal dance pressure and drama, and a deep and painful crisis of conscience about what others thought of my dance. I tried to dance through it. But, the harder I practiced and trained, the worse my injury got, the nastier the external pressures were, and all I could hear were the negative voices of other dancers who critiqued me, not the positive critique. Things came to a head late that year, and on my birthday of all things. I had a rather pleasant volunteer performance stint at a nursing home, which contrasted so deeply with the negativity I had sensed from those closest to me less than 2 weeks before. (Granted, it is easier to hear and process negative words than positive.) I made my decision. I had external reasons: family health, very tough job, etc. But, I quit. I quit the troupe I had been in. With where it was on the calendar, there were no classes for a while, so technically I quit class, too. (Granted, my schedule was such at that point, that I couldn't even make it to classes.) With the holidays and family obligations, I couldn't even do the volunteer gigs, so I technically quit those, too. I felt like a horribly untalented dancer. I didn't want to see my performances, so I didn't think others did, either. Dancing made me sad, because it wasn't as pretty as I wanted. It wasn't up to my standards of what a dancer who had been dancing for a decade should look like.
The next year (which was only a few months later), I finally got into physical therapy for my injury. And, it lasted almost a year -- ironically, I "graduated" out of PT on my birthday, too. Towards the end, the trainer wanted me to start taking classes and workshops again. When I did, I had to mind my injury; but, I found the "good" voices in my dance. I picked teachers I felt "safe" with, and they actually spoke of my dance positively. I carefully performed. I was mindful of not re-injuring AND also dancing well. My joy came back. I have nurtured it ever since. And, something wonderful started happening: For the first time, EVER, people complimented my DANCE before they complimented my costume. And, it started happening more and more often. I still have a ways to go, but I think I can get "there" -- if I carefully decide where "there" is. (see last section.)
I have quit for specific circumstances, only to later come back.
Thee are big injuries, and there are small reasons to take a break. Like recurring hives. They kept me out of performing this summer, and out of class since any movement or heat made them worse. I think this is really more of a "hiatus" than "quitting;" but, lest someone worry that it means quitting, I thought I would address it. But, whether for a big reason or a small, taking any deliberate time off can be hard to explain, to yourself or to someone else, and it can be really hard to get back out there and resume the dance.
. . . there are some things that I have considered and quit, never to return.
This is where I remind you that these are MY thoughts on MY dance and not general judgements on others.
I started dancing at 30. I only took one hour a week, and somewhere about a year or two into it, I upped it to two hours a week. I did not take my first workshop until 5 years in, i.e. I did not take dancing "seriously" until then. I did start performing less than a year in; but, it was group choreo for recitals and the rare solo at a volunteer event until the workshops started. You can do the math: I was 35. By that point, I also had a toddler, a very full full-time job, and thus NO desire for gigs, grams, parties, weddings, etc. My evenings and weekends were for time with my family. So, I had no desire for these things (still don't, really) AND, I have already mentioned that I have high standards for my own dance, which I still don't meet. So, will I do these things? Ever? Probably not, because 40 is now behind me and I have started "lying up" about my age. (When you say you are 5 years older, people think you look GREAT for your age! Haven't tried to do that since college.) I am realistic enough to know that a dancer can gig out well into her later years -- I just have no, absolutely no desire to "start" now. And, it is rooted in representing the art: in my thinking, if I were a young dancer, I would be doing it to gain wisdom and experience to use well into my later years; so that, then, in my later years, I can draw on that wealth of experience and talent I have developed to dazzle my audience, "despite" my years. I see great beauty in a mature dancer who knows how to really dance because she has decades of experience. I think she has every right to keep dancing at gigs and grams and weddings, etc., as long as she wants to. I, however, don't have that experience to draw on, so I don't think I would be "good enough to do that at that age." (Again, this is me.) But, I also completely respect it when said dancer makes a decision that it is time to stop performing for her own reasons.
Because, Lord knows, she may have very good reasons.
And, because, Lord knows, she may change her beautiful mind.
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