Dancing for Arab men only...

Sapphira · 12-10-2006, 04:28 PM

Hi,

What is the etiquette when dancing for a group of Arabic men only?

How does one accept tips without 'crossing boundaries'?

Are there cultural norms I can adhere to? (I am blonde and Australian so I want to be sure I know what is acceptable and expected of me.)

Many thanks,

Sapph

da Sage · 12-10-2006, 11:55 PM

Is this a gig you already have?

I would recommend bringing a male friend to any men's-only performance that you do.

Sapphira · 12-11-2006, 07:35 AM

Hi there! Yeah, it is a current gig.

It's very well paid and I have been asked back three times and I've been asked to stay later and later. It's for the same group of friends and the restaurant owner each week.

Re taking a male friend, it is a private party in a small room of a restaurant so if I did bring a friend they would not be able to watch the performance, they would have to be in another room until the show finished.

Do you think that would still be advisable?

Zumarrad · 12-11-2006, 08:23 AM

Um. What part of Australia did you grow up in? The part inhabited entirely by nuns?

All my Standard Girl Alarm Bells are going off at this one. A group of men want you alone and unchaperoned in a private room, dancing for them? Are you crazy?

Insist that your male friend be present the whole time or it's no go. Also make it clear that if anybody touches you, you're out. I wouldn't do it at all, myself, but if you have a chaperone with you that you trust it might be OK.

It's unfortunate that we have to take these precautions, but better safe than sorry.

Sapphira · 12-11-2006, 10:07 AM

I think the chaperone is a great idea.

The restaurant I am working in is always full upstairs and they do invite some of the other guests (male and female) down to view the show so it's been been fine so far but I think it's definitely better to err on the side of caution, as they say...

What about a male drummer who could be part of the show and chaperone?

Rebecca_ · 12-11-2006, 10:07 AM

Are you sure you want to perform for an all male crowd? Make sure these men don't have any false impressions about bellydancing. It would be a shame for you to show up and for them to think you were some sort of stripper. All male events can be kind of sketchy, I would agree that you should talk to whoever is organizing this and set some ground rules such as no touching. As for tips, get them to throw the tips over your head. Ask a waiter to pick them up for you at the end of the night, it's not terribly graceful to pick them up yourself.

Miss_Winnii · 12-11-2006, 01:31 PM

and make shure they see you chapperone! Or else it wont make any difference. I have the luck my Husband is a muslim, and he nows how to deal this things...

da Sage · 12-11-2006, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapphira

Hi there! Yeah, it is a current gig.

It's very well paid and I have been asked back three times and I've been asked to stay later and later. It's for the same group of friends and the restaurant owner each week.

Re taking a male friend, it is a private party in a small room of a restaurant so if I did bring a friend they would not be able to watch the performance, they would have to be in another room until the show finished.

Do you think that would still be advisable?

If your gut is telling you that it is fine not to bring a chaperone with this group, then it is probably fine. If the group changes, or if you get a new gig, or you ever start to feel funny, you should seriously consider getting an "assistant" to handle your music and props (which means it is necessary for him/her to be in the room with you while you dance). Edit: a male drummer would be a great idea, if you can find one.

You can tell the restaurant owner that your friend "is very protective" of you, and "insists" on being there to watch out for you, because he "just worries so much about me". "I just don't know if I can continue to stay so late if he's not with me," is a good line.

Always remember that you have a right to leave, early or on-time, if the vibe ever changes. Don't worry too much about whether or not they pay you the agreed-upon amount - that's what small-claims court is for, if they ultimately refuse to pony up the cash.

Did someone have this job before you? Have you talked to her about what to expect?

Sapphira · 12-11-2006, 04:00 PM

Hi,

I'm not sure who danced there before me. I'm sure there have been dancers before.

I do know one very good drummer and I could arrange to split what I earn with him so it's worth his while. The main thing is that it's late on a Saturday which is his prime playing time, however he may be able to help me find someone if he can't make it.

Thanks again for your help.

Sara · 12-11-2006, 04:45 PM

Is this in London or Australia?

I think a guy being there would be a good thing, but if you feel safe as you are then fine, but just in case.

12-10-2006, 04:28 PM	#1 (permalink)
Sapphira Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: London Posts: 43	Dancing for Arab men only... Hi, What is the etiquette when dancing for a group of Arabic men only? How does one accept tips without 'crossing boundaries'? Are there cultural norms I can adhere to? (I am blonde and Australian so I want to be sure I know what is acceptable and expected of me.) Many thanks, Sapph Last edited by Sapphira; 12-10-2006 at 04:32 PM.

12-11-2006, 04:45 PM	#10 (permalink)
Sara V.I.P. Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Wales/Yorkshire Posts: 1,160	Is this in London or Australia? I think a guy being there would be a good thing, but if you feel safe as you are then fine, but just in case. __________________ With a little bit of this and a little bit of that, now shake your bum.... :P

12-10-2006, 11:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
da Sage V.I.P. Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: MN Posts: 1,088	Is this a gig you already have? I would recommend bringing a male friend to any men's-only performance that you do.

12-11-2006, 07:35 AM	#3 (permalink)
Sapphira Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: London Posts: 43	Hi there! Yeah, it is a current gig. It's very well paid and I have been asked back three times and I've been asked to stay later and later. It's for the same group of friends and the restaurant owner each week. Re taking a male friend, it is a private party in a small room of a restaurant so if I did bring a friend they would not be able to watch the performance, they would have to be in another room until the show finished. Do you think that would still be advisable?

12-11-2006, 08:23 AM	#4 (permalink)
Zumarrad Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: New Zealand Posts: 84	Um. What part of Australia did you grow up in? The part inhabited entirely by nuns? All my Standard Girl Alarm Bells are going off at this one. A group of men want you alone and unchaperoned in a private room, dancing for them? Are you crazy? Insist that your male friend be present the whole time or it's no go. Also make it clear that if anybody touches you, you're out. I wouldn't do it at all, myself, but if you have a chaperone with you that you trust it might be OK. It's unfortunate that we have to take these precautions, but better safe than sorry.

12-11-2006, 10:07 AM	#5 (permalink)
Sapphira Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: London Posts: 43	I think the chaperone is a great idea. The restaurant I am working in is always full upstairs and they do invite some of the other guests (male and female) down to view the show so it's been been fine so far but I think it's definitely better to err on the side of caution, as they say... What about a male drummer who could be part of the show and chaperone?

12-11-2006, 10:07 AM	#6 (permalink)
Rebecca_ Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: on my futon Posts: 106	Are you sure you want to perform for an all male crowd? Make sure these men don't have any false impressions about bellydancing. It would be a shame for you to show up and for them to think you were some sort of stripper. All male events can be kind of sketchy, I would agree that you should talk to whoever is organizing this and set some ground rules such as no touching. As for tips, get them to throw the tips over your head. Ask a waiter to pick them up for you at the end of the night, it's not terribly graceful to pick them up yourself.

12-11-2006, 01:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
Miss_Winnii Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Nijmegen Posts: 69	and make shure they see you chapperone! Or else it wont make any difference. I have the luck my Husband is a muslim, and he nows how to deal this things...

12-11-2006, 04:00 PM	#9 (permalink)
Sapphira Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: London Posts: 43	Hi, I'm not sure who danced there before me. I'm sure there have been dancers before. I do know one very good drummer and I could arrange to split what I earn with him so it's worth his while. The main thing is that it's late on a Saturday which is his prime playing time, however he may be able to help me find someone if he can't make it. Thanks again for your help.