are we to tuf in the forum?

Lydia dubai · 12-24-2007, 09:45 AM

Hi everybody,please dont take this wrong or personal it is just a question
Sometimes i feel that we are so tuf ......
I have to say that i am worried many times to reply to post,because i am afraid that the people that dont agree whit what i say reply and not in a kind way......
I have done the same last week and it still bugs me
I also feel that now other people looze out because they ask questions ,that i know i can help them with but i am afraid to answer because other people perhaps think differant and will reply in a not nice way and than it becomes a argument and i believe that that is not nice.....
Also i think that most people know i am not a pc person and i perhaps dont understand that forums work that way?? or suppose to be that way?? i know we are here to share and learn....But can we not try to make it a bit sweeter and nice so it will be a more friendly forum? I realy use to like this forum,but lately i dont know....perhaps i have been visiting the wrong threads? or do i have christmas bleu,s??
I also want to ask this ,would it be ok that i reply to people,s post privatly? when they ask advice and questions? or is that not fair to the forum?
Please dont take this post personal,perhaps i am just selfish and want everybody to be like real friends because that is what i would like to see....So my request ......Can we try to alway,s be more kind when we post and reply ?? i think it will benefit the forum....Again i ask please dont take it personal....Wishing you all a wunderfull Christmas....and have a nice day Lydia

Moon · 12-24-2007, 11:04 AM

I usually answer questions nicely but I find it difficult sometimes to react nicely on videos that show really bad stuff done by someone who calls her/himself a professional. But I'll do my best to just explain clearly why I don't like it. And maybe try to ignore it more when someone only makes an account here to tell us how jealous we are of dancers we don't like

The problem is my "ignore mode" is something I often use in real life because I can't come up with good answers so quickly. Here, I can think longer about my post and I can defend myself better, so I often do that when someone accuses me or another forum member of being a jealous b*tch just because we said some professional doesn't dance like a professional...
However I'll try to make more obvious constructive criticism.

gisela · 12-24-2007, 11:48 AM

I think it's very ok to send advice privately if you feel that you can speak more freely and better guide the person asking the question. You probably have some great stories that everyone would benefit from hearing but follow your heart as you seem to do already.

I have never really felt that this is a bitchy forum, apart from a few occasional one-time-posters. I left another forum (for uni students) some years ago because I felt bad every single time I had been on it due to the arrogant and putting-people-down-whenever's-possible- attitude in that place. I came back there once not so long ago to ask a question but was immedeately put down with bitchy comments ( only by the men) so I gave up that place. Here I have never felt anything like that. Even though I'm not the greatest poster I've always felt welcome and that people argue their case in a mature and reasonable way.
Since I'm aware of the recent debates I just wanted to share these thoughts.

Ankhet · 12-24-2007, 02:31 PM

Case in point: I stopped asking questions as I am afraid I will be told off. I just do a search and if nothing comes up I debate wither nor not to ask the question. Hence I have been a lurker here rather then a poster.

Maria_Aya · 12-24-2007, 02:39 PM

Actually i believe that this forum is just GREAT !!!
There is a balanced number of people from all over the world and this makes it even more exciting.
We are all free to post our opinions and this it is: OUR opinions.
Now if someone ask for an advice on a forum there are many different things to take in mind:
a) the person is really ASKING for corrections, opinions etc so go for it and post it.
b) the person is ASKING in reality for aproval. In this case.. if you sense something like this dont answer anything (this is what i usual do) unless i really like something (if not, i dont answer)
c) the person is ASKING for opinions but is not ready for the negative ones.
In this case the people that might answer become bitch where actually there are not.

Dear Lydia, relax, this forum is just great and we are living people with agreements and disagreements. And our subject have to do with SHOW business which is tuff anyway.

Kisses to all and have a great eve

Maria Aya

Maria_Aya · 12-24-2007, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ankhet

Case in point: I stopped asking questions as I am afraid I will be told off. I just do a search and if nothing comes up I debate wither nor not to ask the question. Hence I have been a lurker here rather then a poster.

Start posting again !!!!!!!!!!! Make it NewYears promise

Maria Aya

janaki · 12-24-2007, 04:53 PM

Dear Lydia,

I will agree with everything Maria said. If I feel sensitive about stuff I stay out of it. If I know my comments will benifit any one in any way, I will go out and post it. Not all comments we posts has to sound sweet. Truth hurts many times!!! Also , when people are not communicating face to face, there is a already barrier and it is easy to misunderstand and misinterpret. Every person communicates differetly. Some are more direct and some are more polite, it is doesn't mean one is better than the other. Also the language we write in also affects. When people post videos and ask for feedback and advise, if if I am capable I will do it in a honest way possible without putting the person down. It is better to call a spade a spade!!!

I came to this forum early this year. Before I was a lurker. I loved this forum because people here express their honest opinion. I love this. And also the make up of this forum is so diverese and it is true world forum. There are members from every corner of the world.

IMO, if I am not doing a good job to this dance form I would prefer that some one to tap on my head and correct me rather than they being sweet and say everything I am doing is ok and acceptable.

Everybody is different. You may be a sensitive, you may see some posts as not sensitive and others may not see it. In a heated debate people get emotional and loose it sometime. At the end of the day you brush it off and go out and have a beer and shake hands. This is my philosophy.

Don't worry too much. People who belong they belong together. This forum is for everyone with varied backgrounds and expertise. In case like this, it is normal to have disagreements and stuff.

Happy holidays!!!

Moon · 12-24-2007, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ankhet

Case in point: I stopped asking questions as I am afraid I will be told off. I just do a search and if nothing comes up I debate wither nor not to ask the question. Hence I have been a lurker here rather then a poster.

Oh no Ankhet

I believe I once answered a movement-related question of you, right? I'm not sure.
Anyway, my experience here is that serious questions by beginners will always be answered in a kind and honest way and with constructive criticism. It's only in cases like with Rita, a person who started like 10 different threads to ask very short questions about movements even the experts here had never heard of, that people might question if someone is being serious.
Please, don't stop asking questions!

Auntie Crazy · 12-24-2007, 05:23 PM

There is a difference between differing in opinion and being rude or arrogant. When people are hesitant to post, especially when they used to be active, because they fear the strength and er....flavor of the likely responses, well, to my mind that indicates the forum may have a problem.

It is totally possible to be kind while disagreeing.

I love this forum! But wouldn't it be awesome to see it become an even friendlier and more welcome environment?

A.C.

Moon · 12-24-2007, 05:44 PM

Let me explain how I do it when I visit youtube:

- When I find a video of a not so experienced dancer who makes mistakes, doesn't dance 100% authentically etc. but is brave enough to perform at a student recital or for her family and friends, I seriously like to see that and I admire the dancer for her courage and enthousiasm.
- When I find a video of someone who never takes lessons or decided she was good enough after a few lessons, dances to Shakira in her own bedroom with suggestive movements and a wrong posture and labels it as bellydance, or makes an instructional video while they don't know anything about the dance, I give the video a low rating and suggest the person takes some more lessons herself first and what she's doing is not (yet) bellydance.
- When I see a video of someone labeling herself as a professional who doesn't dance with professional level, claims things about the dance that are not true and makes videos in which you can see all kinds of body parts which shouldn't be visible unles you're an erotic dancer, I also give the video a low rating and think this person gives the dance a really bad name.

I think this dance is better off when people dare to give critisize the too big egos of the last two categories in stead of saying "they're just being creative" or "they're just having fun". I must say, when I was just on this forum I thought some people were a little harsh, but when I got to "know" them better, I realised they were not anti-fusion, were not jealous of other dancers, they were only trying to protect what they love.
It might sometimes seem as if we don't like the creative fusion pieces of some people, but that is not true. Most people here don't like it when those dances are labeled as "bellydance" instead of as their own fantasy pieces.

Due to something that happened in my own bellydance class, I got very sensitive to the kind of students who only take a few lessons, then buy a professional looking costume and sell themselves as "bellydancers". They're the kind of people who give the dance a bad name.

I have never seen a beginner with a serious question get bitchy answers here, to be honest. I've only seen negative comments on videos of the last two categories. The kind of comments people make when someone hurts something they love.
Now, I will try to make my own negative comments more constructive and less bitchy-sounding. Maybe some of the others here will try the same, maybe they don't.
My advice is, don't read heated debate threads if they make you feel bad. But please don't be affraid to ask serious questions!

12-24-2007, 09:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
Lydia dubai V.I.P. Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Dubai United arab emirates Posts: 1,338	are we to tuf in the forum? Hi everybody,please dont take this wrong or personal it is just a question Sometimes i feel that we are so tuf ...... I have to say that i am worried many times to reply to post,because i am afraid that the people that dont agree whit what i say reply and not in a kind way...... I have done the same last week and it still bugs me I also feel that now other people looze out because they ask questions ,that i know i can help them with but i am afraid to answer because other people perhaps think differant and will reply in a not nice way and than it becomes a argument and i believe that that is not nice..... Also i think that most people know i am not a pc person and i perhaps dont understand that forums work that way?? or suppose to be that way?? i know we are here to share and learn....But can we not try to make it a bit sweeter and nice so it will be a more friendly forum? I realy use to like this forum,but lately i dont know....perhaps i have been visiting the wrong threads? or do i have christmas bleu,s?? I also want to ask this ,would it be ok that i reply to people,s post privatly? when they ask advice and questions? or is that not fair to the forum? Please dont take this post personal,perhaps i am just selfish and want everybody to be like real friends because that is what i would like to see....So my request ......Can we try to alway,s be more kind when we post and reply ?? i think it will benefit the forum....Again i ask please dont take it personal....Wishing you all a wunderfull Christmas....and have a nice day Lydia

12-24-2007, 11:48 AM	#3 (permalink)
gisela Moderator Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Denmark Posts: 928	I think it's very ok to send advice privately if you feel that you can speak more freely and better guide the person asking the question. You probably have some great stories that everyone would benefit from hearing but follow your heart as you seem to do already. I have never really felt that this is a bitchy forum, apart from a few occasional one-time-posters. I left another forum (for uni students) some years ago because I felt bad every single time I had been on it due to the arrogant and putting-people-down-whenever's-possible- attitude in that place. I came back there once not so long ago to ask a question but was immedeately put down with bitchy comments ( only by the men) so I gave up that place. Here I have never felt anything like that. Even though I'm not the greatest poster I've always felt welcome and that people argue their case in a mature and reasonable way. Since I'm aware of the recent debates I just wanted to share these thoughts. __________________ You need chaos in your soul to create a dancing star-nietzsche

12-24-2007, 02:39 PM	#5 (permalink)
Maria_Aya Moderator Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Athens, Greece Posts: 2,221	Actually i believe that this forum is just GREAT !!! There is a balanced number of people from all over the world and this makes it even more exciting. We are all free to post our opinions and this it is: OUR opinions. Now if someone ask for an advice on a forum there are many different things to take in mind: a) the person is really ASKING for corrections, opinions etc so go for it and post it. b) the person is ASKING in reality for aproval. In this case.. if you sense something like this dont answer anything (this is what i usual do) unless i really like something (if not, i dont answer) c) the person is ASKING for opinions but is not ready for the negative ones. In this case the people that might answer become bitch where actually there are not. Dear Lydia, relax, this forum is just great and we are living people with agreements and disagreements. And our subject have to do with SHOW business which is tuff anyway. Kisses to all and have a great eve Maria Aya __________________ ... www.orientalexpression.gr

12-24-2007, 05:23 PM	#9 (permalink)
Auntie Crazy Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 116	There is a difference between differing in opinion and being rude or arrogant. When people are hesitant to post, especially when they used to be active, because they fear the strength and er....flavor of the likely responses, well, to my mind that indicates the forum may have a problem. It is totally possible to be kind while disagreeing. I love this forum! But wouldn't it be awesome to see it become an even friendlier and more welcome environment? A.C. __________________ "I have the talent of single-minded determination and focu…hey look, a cat!”

12-24-2007, 11:04 AM	#2 (permalink)
Moon V.I.P. Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: the Netherlands Posts: 3,627	I usually answer questions nicely but I find it difficult sometimes to react nicely on videos that show really bad stuff done by someone who calls her/himself a professional. But I'll do my best to just explain clearly why I don't like it. And maybe try to ignore it more when someone only makes an account here to tell us how jealous we are of dancers we don't like The problem is my "ignore mode" is something I often use in real life because I can't come up with good answers so quickly. Here, I can think longer about my post and I can defend myself better, so I often do that when someone accuses me or another forum member of being a jealous b*tch just because we said some professional doesn't dance like a professional... However I'll try to make more obvious constructive criticism.

12-24-2007, 02:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
Ankhet Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 112	Case in point: I stopped asking questions as I am afraid I will be told off. I just do a search and if nothing comes up I debate wither nor not to ask the question. Hence I have been a lurker here rather then a poster.

12-24-2007, 04:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
janaki V.I.P. Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: hong kong Posts: 1,211	Dear Lydia, I will agree with everything Maria said. If I feel sensitive about stuff I stay out of it. If I know my comments will benifit any one in any way, I will go out and post it. Not all comments we posts has to sound sweet. Truth hurts many times!!! Also , when people are not communicating face to face, there is a already barrier and it is easy to misunderstand and misinterpret. Every person communicates differetly. Some are more direct and some are more polite, it is doesn't mean one is better than the other. Also the language we write in also affects. When people post videos and ask for feedback and advise, if if I am capable I will do it in a honest way possible without putting the person down. It is better to call a spade a spade!!! I came to this forum early this year. Before I was a lurker. I loved this forum because people here express their honest opinion. I love this. And also the make up of this forum is so diverese and it is true world forum. There are members from every corner of the world. IMO, if I am not doing a good job to this dance form I would prefer that some one to tap on my head and correct me rather than they being sweet and say everything I am doing is ok and acceptable. Everybody is different. You may be a sensitive, you may see some posts as not sensitive and others may not see it. In a heated debate people get emotional and loose it sometime. At the end of the day you brush it off and go out and have a beer and shake hands. This is my philosophy. Don't worry too much. People who belong they belong together. This forum is for everyone with varied backgrounds and expertise. In case like this, it is normal to have disagreements and stuff. Happy holidays!!!

12-24-2007, 05:44 PM	#10 (permalink)
Moon V.I.P. Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: the Netherlands Posts: 3,627	Let me explain how I do it when I visit youtube: - When I find a video of a not so experienced dancer who makes mistakes, doesn't dance 100% authentically etc. but is brave enough to perform at a student recital or for her family and friends, I seriously like to see that and I admire the dancer for her courage and enthousiasm. - When I find a video of someone who never takes lessons or decided she was good enough after a few lessons, dances to Shakira in her own bedroom with suggestive movements and a wrong posture and labels it as bellydance, or makes an instructional video while they don't know anything about the dance, I give the video a low rating and suggest the person takes some more lessons herself first and what she's doing is not (yet) bellydance. - When I see a video of someone labeling herself as a professional who doesn't dance with professional level, claims things about the dance that are not true and makes videos in which you can see all kinds of body parts which shouldn't be visible unles you're an erotic dancer, I also give the video a low rating and think this person gives the dance a really bad name. I think this dance is better off when people dare to give critisize the too big egos of the last two categories in stead of saying "they're just being creative" or "they're just having fun". I must say, when I was just on this forum I thought some people were a little harsh, but when I got to "know" them better, I realised they were not anti-fusion, were not jealous of other dancers, they were only trying to protect what they love. It might sometimes seem as if we don't like the creative fusion pieces of some people, but that is not true. Most people here don't like it when those dances are labeled as "bellydance" instead of as their own fantasy pieces. Due to something that happened in my own bellydance class, I got very sensitive to the kind of students who only take a few lessons, then buy a professional looking costume and sell themselves as "bellydancers". They're the kind of people who give the dance a bad name. I have never seen a beginner with a serious question get bitchy answers here, to be honest. I've only seen negative comments on videos of the last two categories. The kind of comments people make when someone hurts something they love. Now, I will try to make my own negative comments more constructive and less bitchy-sounding. Maybe some of the others here will try the same, maybe they don't. My advice is, don't read heated debate threads if they make you feel bad. But please don't be affraid to ask serious questions!