Shanazel

Aziyade, there is brilliance blossoming in the cornfields of Indiana!

Aniseteph

Oh poor Azeeza, you are just TOO NICE!

Maybe it's that fewer people have to make their own clothes these days, so they don't realise the time and effort involved. Costuming other people is a big responsibility and you shouldn't be expected to take it on as a sort of extended favour just because you are nice and like making your own.

Aziyade's advice, as ever, ROCKS!

IMO what's important here is to focus on what YOU want to do with your dancing, which is an entirely separate matter to what your teacher and classmates might want of you. Favours doing, costumes making, lends of DVDs etc because they can't/won't do things for themselves.... all that is THEIR problem. If they want your help it's got to be on your terms, because they clearly have very little idea of what it costs you in time and effort. Don't allow other people to spoil something you enjoy (see, there's MY Inner Bitch, snarling away like a rottweiler in the corner of my soul marked belly dance )

Big hugs, make them get their needles and CDs out and help

A xxx

Kharmine

Azeeza -- as someone who has to fend off people who think a woman who works at home without children is fair game for all kinds of time-sucking activities --what everyone said, BIG TIME!

Do it today, before you have time to dither about whether you're still a nice person. THIS IS NOT THE ISSUE, keep telling yourself that.

__________________
What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?

Reen.Blom

I hope you sort that out Sweety pie!

*hug*

__________________
Join WORLD BELLY DANCE DAY! www.worldbellydanceday.com

slinks

YEP ... I love Shanazel's and Aniseteph's answers !! "I simply can't" and "let them get their own needles out" !!

Lydia you are way tooooo niiiiiicceee !! :-) But I feel that in your words, you glow of niceness, I don't think I could live with that ... lol, I have ogra tattooded on my forehead !!

Kharmine as always has a sound advice .. "do it today, before you have time to dither about wether you're still a nice person" lol, get it out of the way then, from now on "I simply can't" !!! will follow from then on ..

:-) and of cause "we all hope you've sorted through how you're feeling by now and pulled yourself together" and as Reen.Blom would say *hugs* to you from us :-)

maariku

Dear Azeeza,

I wish you the strength to pull through this horrible time. You know, the good thing about stressy times is that one day they will be behind you. I often find myself in a similar situation as yours, and all you have to do when you are in this situation is to try to make your best and live it through. And learn your lesson, to make sure there will be less of such situations.

All the advice has been great, starting with learning to say no. It is better to say no and have a clear situation in the beginning, than stress both parties out if you can't manage helping them on time.

Getting a reward for your efforts is also fair. Of course, every now and then we help a friend out when they need it just out of our good will. But if it starts taking up a huge part of your life, you better get compensated.

Hold on there, and don't be too hard on yourself!

Hugs!

__________________
"[A good bellydancer] must express life, death, happiness, sorrow, love and anger, but above all she must have dignity." -Tahia Carioca,

janaki

You are absolutely right Shanazel!!! You don't need to explian or give a reason. But softies like Azeeza , it is a good way to start saying no by giving a simple reason. Reason is different from making excuses!!!! I learned this from my partenr. I am solid and I can stand firm and say no, but my dancing partner never says no. I have been helping her for years. She is better now and can say "no' but she always gives a reason for it. She told me that she feels better saying no by giving a reason for it. I thought it may work for Azeeza!!!!

Shakeelah

Dear Azeeza

You have my sympathies! You have been given some really great advice by the others on this forum, so hopefully you can prevent yourself getting into this position again :-) Hugs to you in the meantime!

Re the dresses, you have to ask your troupe and fellow dancers just how important it is to have these particular desses ready for the hafla? Is there any alternative costuming that could be used, and if not, could the ladies without costumes defer their performance until a more suitable time? If the performance is for only one item, then maybe it could be saved for your next hafla, in which case the other students who need the DVD will know the choreography by then as well? I also like the idea of getting the ladies who require the desses to help you in your task, even if it is just making your coffee, or cutting off the sewing threads when you are finished

Regarding the student who cannot see your DVD, call her, apologise that you are unable to burn another disc for her, and suggest that she get together with another student with the DVD to practice for the hafla, if she wants to get it right, she will make the appropriate arrangements in good time.

Above all, don't let your husband stay mad at you, enjoy and cherish your family as they also support you in your hobby, and provide the necessary balance in your life.

Best of luck

Shakeelah

Maria_Aya

Welcome to my OLD life !!!
2 months now I decided to use the NO word in my vocabulary and goes wow !!!
I still say more yes than needed but the NO is a miracle.
Follow the advices the ladies gave you, dont have more to say, just hugs and know how you are feeling, hey after all we have to be a bit of bellydance bitches also lol

Maria Aya

__________________
... www.orientalexpression.gr

Glitters