Problems with weight

Brea · 01-04-2008, 04:16 AM

Hello all,

Let me tell you a bit about this particular problem so you can understand my questions.

1. When I was young I was sent away. I was frequently denied food and starved (NOT KIDDING). When I was old enough to get out I started eating crazy amounts of food that were bad for me, as it had been denied me for so many years.

2. I was homeless once, the second time I starved. I have been near death in starvation more than once, in youth and then when this happened.

3. I grew up fighting (obviously why I was sent away eventually). I found out a few years back that my birth family has muscular dystrophy- all of them do. This messed with my head because I thought my strength was everything. I basically lay down and died I felt so horrible...for about a year until I found out that I didn't have it (it took so long because I couldn't afford the DNA test).

4. I injured my upper right side of my back, wrist, elbow, and neck hauling luggage for a trolley company, in a vain attempt to prove I was still tough even though at the time I thought I was ill. I still feel this today; I am in constant pain. Exercise, even dancing, is terribly painful; when I worked at a deli after slicing some meat I couldn't use my hand anymore and there was horrible pain shooting through my wrist. So, on bad days (which are often) pushups and the like are out, because I can't use my wrist.

5. I am always exhausted when I come home from bus driving. I don't know why this is, as I am not physically doing much...however when I worked at the deli I was never so exhausted. Bus driving can also be a very boring job and when you have to sit for long periods of time you tend to snack, which I notice I do more often now.

6. I am a food addict. I don't know if the first two reasons I listed are why, but I eat it like someone is going to snatch it away from me. I tell myself not to eat things that are bad for me and then in some kind of petulant rage (at myself, for goodness' sake) I go ahead and eat it anyway. If anyone bothers me or comes near me when I am eating I am extremely irritable. If I am hungry I am extremely irritable.

7. I drink. Frequently. Not enough to be an alcoholic but enough to prove that I once lived in Key West, if you get my drift. I don't get sick or anything; it just became a solid part of my life.

What I want to know is this: has anyone else had these problems? The psychological ones seem to be the hardest to deal with. I fear that I will not be able to perform anymore if I keep gaining weight...it's so odd that I used to be a ball of muscle and now I am...not so much.

ANY help or suggestions would be much appreciated!!! I really want to figure out how to lose weight and not regain it because of these issues.

I also wanted to say, separately, that this forum has been a great source of comfort and inspiration for me. Thanks, everyone.

Kharmine · 01-04-2008, 05:00 AM

Brea, I couldn't go away again without responding to this.

We have all had, or have, problems similar to this or as bad, one way or another. Everyone has a different set, and different triggers for alarming behaviors.

From everything I've heard, bus driving is horribly hard on the back, even for the most athletic and strong. Even though you are sitting all the time, you gotta crank constantly and it's all just one long series of repetitive motions, baby, just like constantly slicin' meat at that deli.

If you've got the health insurance coverage for regular checkups and physical therapy -- use it as often as you can. Your company is probably anxious not to build up any more potential worker's comp cases, so there should be some help for you.

Look around for a good, affordable massage practitioner (sometimes a massage school or the YMCA are good sources) and go as often as you can. Get into regular, gentle stretching as often as possible. Consider learning how to meditate, do yoga or tai chi, join a spiritual fellowship.

Take healthy snacks to work to nibble on, especially those with some moisture content 'cause I know you can't lug along a big water bottle and be forced to make too many pit stops! (Another reason for muscular pain, depression, etc. is dehydration. And it ain't good for the kidneys.) Drink a lot of water when you're home, to make up for the shortage while at work.

Consider taking a high-quality version of l-tryptophan called 5-HTP (available at health food stores and not expensive). It helps stabilize your serotonin level, has no known side effects, and will improve your mind set, give you quality sleep and calm the nervous nibblin', too. Try adding a good multi-vitamin/mineral and CoQ10, too, to help your overall and heart functions.

Pain is a food trigger for you. Mental, physical, spiritual, whatever pain. Pain reminds you of deprivation and hurt and lack of love. Food brings at least temporary comfort; it's something you can have quickly and easily.

Recognize that, and give yourself love in other forms. Surround yourself with positive things -- considerate people, things that are really pleasant to your other senses such as scent, touch and hearing. Make your surroundings as beautiful and comfortable to your own tastes as you can. Take along a little nice hand lotion to rub into your paws at work, a scented hanky to sniff occasionally, a silk scarf to feel around your neck, etc.

If you can't avoid alcohol, make it one a good one and make it last as long as you can. Preferably with good company, with a book, music, animals or friends. Learn to really cook, not just eat. And always have things around that you can nibble on that are good and good for you, when you simply can't resist.

Slow down, treat yourself with love, make some healthy changes, and I'll bet you'll start feeling better soon. And think about job training or school in something less stressful, dear heart. Email me whenever you like.

Brea · 01-04-2008, 05:11 AM

Kharmine:

Thanks; you are sweet! You give me the sniffles*!

I mainly drive a bus because I don't get along well with people. Too grumpy, too defensive. Too protective of my food.

There's a real problem: I DO know how to cook! That has made it worse, if you can believe it. Hm. Sometimes I wonder if I had pets I would be doing better with a lot of this stuff.

I never realized that driving would be as bad on my back as the deli was...mainly because I haven't had the horrible pain I got with the slicer. Can you believe my last day job was taking Japanese students to the beach to teach them to boogieboard? *sigh*...I also worked on a railroad where I did a lot of lifting and running around. I had very little pain then. It's so strange what causes that.

I love to dance...I love it more than anything I've been able to find since giving up fighting. However, it can also bring physical pain. I realize that to perform I have to be slender. I am not. My boyfriend of course says 'you're not even fat, what are you saying?' because he's a good boy that was trained well by somebody along the line...but the point is, I am not thin enough to be a viable performer. I love to teach too but I'd like to be able to share the stage with local dancers.

Oh, and my job doesn't provide any benefits...nor does it ever pay overtime. Meaning, if you work overtime, you get paid the same as you get when you work regular hours. Sometimes I think I am getting a very bum deal.

karena · 01-04-2008, 11:59 AM

Have you tried osteopathy at all for the back problems? Sorts me out a treat.

And for the relationship with food and drink, personally I would suggest hypnotheraphy or nlp. If your brain has learnt to associate certain things with food, then you can teach it to disassociate those things.

Best wishes with it.

Eve · 01-04-2008, 03:27 PM

pilates and yoga are good for maintaining a healthy back, it may also help you to destress and it could over time help you deal with some of your food issues. You seem to recognise certain triggers that set you off making food choices that make you feel bad or guilty. The next thing to do is take control over them, don't think of food as good or bad (leads to guilt). When you feel the urge to scoff cookies or whatever it is ask yourself do I really want this or do I want to change the way I feel? If you're really hungry eat.

LLAIMA · 01-04-2008, 03:41 PM

Hi brea, and rest of the world.

I have to say, you are a very transparent person, very opened, which will take you far, I really admire that, and it inspires me to share stuff that not only the mbrs of this forum can read, but the rest of the world too.

Growing up I was always an athletic slim little girl, then went rhough changes in my life that affected my eating habits, so more than twice I gained 20 to 30 pounds and lost them without dieting just out of pure exciment, which probably makes me an emotional eater...2 years ago I was in my best weight...119 pounds, I'm 5.4, I was making a living out of dance, but had to work many regular gigs at restaurants that just wore me down specially at one in which I danced outside, in front of the venue the floor was CEMENT which killed my knees, I also started having back problems...anyway... I started turning down the bad gigs, which left me with just the weddings and big events, I also stopped accepting belly dancing gigs because I did not want to upset my man, which was a good man but had a bad image about belly dance... It felt good to take a break, but what happenned was that I gained so much weight that NONE of my outfits fit any more, so I felt in a vicious circle and gained more weight...it was very depressing...a year and a half ago I started working at an office...seating all day which made me gained more ...every time I got a call for a gig I turned it down because I fell I was too fat and the outfits did not fit...but this year I decided I was going to fix my outfits and I DID! I waited for the new year working at the best gig of my life! (AND I HAVE NOT LOST WEIGHT YET)

I recomend that you practice pilates, or buy a book named kiseology for dancers and practice the excercises on the book ...if you want we could keep each other updated on the progress because I'm determined to traine hard every day even though I come back very tired from work too.

Brea · 01-04-2008, 04:29 PM

Hi Llaima,

Wow, what a thoughtful post!! Yes, I do have the tendency to be very honest about myself even online. This is probably going to get me in trouble someday. Hm. I do like the idea of encouraging each other, and also it's good to know that you were still able to get work! I am under the impression that I can't perform unless I am very thin (which I am not; I look pretty much like I do on my website www.bellydanceblogs.net/brea).

Sitting all day is not helpful either. I don't enjoy my job all that much and especially since I REALLY don't want to be living here I think that stress gets to me as well.

Karena: I have not tried that yet. I also have heard hypnotherapy doesn't work but if you think it would be useful I will look into it. From what I have been told the triggers are very strong in people who have almost starved because they associate every time they are hungry with starvation and anytime they get food they need to eat it all.

Eve: thank you! I haven't looked into pilates. I also do agree I recognize what I am doing but I haven't been able to stop it even so.

LLAIMA · 01-04-2008, 04:50 PM

Quote:

From what I have been told the triggers are very strong in people who have almost starved because they associate every time they are hungry with starvation and anytime they get food they need to eat it all.

Yes that makes sence, I grew up in Cuba, after the Soviet Union Collapsed, Cuba, its allied and dependent went trhough what was called the special period, we were allowed to buy one piece of bread per day, and about 3 eggs per week, no meat or milk at all, so I also know what starvation is....
I'm going to have lunch now

Aziyade · 01-04-2008, 04:53 PM

Brea, I really would like to recommend a free website called

Free Diet Plans at SparkPeople

-- I don't own stock in it or anything, but I think it's a fantastic resource and they have special groups and support teams for people with specific issues regarding health, fitness, food, weight, etc. I think you might find people there who have similar problems and can help you through some of them. Although most people are on the site to lose weight, it's more than just that. They do have a food and fitness tracker to help you with that, though.

Brea · 01-04-2008, 05:06 PM

Oh, Llaima, I am sorry to hear that! But you have that same feeling, maybe? Where you HAVE to eat? It is a very strange, frightening feeling for those of us who have it.

Thanks, aziyade, I will check out that site!

01-04-2008, 04:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
Brea V.I.P. Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: USA Posts: 1,283	Problems with weight Hello all, Let me tell you a bit about this particular problem so you can understand my questions. 1. When I was young I was sent away. I was frequently denied food and starved (NOT KIDDING). When I was old enough to get out I started eating crazy amounts of food that were bad for me, as it had been denied me for so many years. 2. I was homeless once, the second time I starved. I have been near death in starvation more than once, in youth and then when this happened. 3. I grew up fighting (obviously why I was sent away eventually). I found out a few years back that my birth family has muscular dystrophy- all of them do. This messed with my head because I thought my strength was everything. I basically lay down and died I felt so horrible...for about a year until I found out that I didn't have it (it took so long because I couldn't afford the DNA test). 4. I injured my upper right side of my back, wrist, elbow, and neck hauling luggage for a trolley company, in a vain attempt to prove I was still tough even though at the time I thought I was ill. I still feel this today; I am in constant pain. Exercise, even dancing, is terribly painful; when I worked at a deli after slicing some meat I couldn't use my hand anymore and there was horrible pain shooting through my wrist. So, on bad days (which are often) pushups and the like are out, because I can't use my wrist. 5. I am always exhausted when I come home from bus driving. I don't know why this is, as I am not physically doing much...however when I worked at the deli I was never so exhausted. Bus driving can also be a very boring job and when you have to sit for long periods of time you tend to snack, which I notice I do more often now. 6. I am a food addict. I don't know if the first two reasons I listed are why, but I eat it like someone is going to snatch it away from me. I tell myself not to eat things that are bad for me and then in some kind of petulant rage (at myself, for goodness' sake) I go ahead and eat it anyway. If anyone bothers me or comes near me when I am eating I am extremely irritable. If I am hungry I am extremely irritable. 7. I drink. Frequently. Not enough to be an alcoholic but enough to prove that I once lived in Key West, if you get my drift. I don't get sick or anything; it just became a solid part of my life. What I want to know is this: has anyone else had these problems? The psychological ones seem to be the hardest to deal with. I fear that I will not be able to perform anymore if I keep gaining weight...it's so odd that I used to be a ball of muscle and now I am...not so much. ANY help or suggestions would be much appreciated!!! I really want to figure out how to lose weight and not regain it because of these issues. I also wanted to say, separately, that this forum has been a great source of comfort and inspiration for me. Thanks, everyone. __________________ www.breamorgiane.com

01-04-2008, 05:00 AM	#2 (permalink)
Kharmine V.I.P. Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Foot of the Rocky Mountains Posts: 1,248	Brea, I couldn't go away again without responding to this. We have all had, or have, problems similar to this or as bad, one way or another. Everyone has a different set, and different triggers for alarming behaviors. From everything I've heard, bus driving is horribly hard on the back, even for the most athletic and strong. Even though you are sitting all the time, you gotta crank constantly and it's all just one long series of repetitive motions, baby, just like constantly slicin' meat at that deli. If you've got the health insurance coverage for regular checkups and physical therapy -- use it as often as you can. Your company is probably anxious not to build up any more potential worker's comp cases, so there should be some help for you. Look around for a good, affordable massage practitioner (sometimes a massage school or the YMCA are good sources) and go as often as you can. Get into regular, gentle stretching as often as possible. Consider learning how to meditate, do yoga or tai chi, join a spiritual fellowship. Take healthy snacks to work to nibble on, especially those with some moisture content 'cause I know you can't lug along a big water bottle and be forced to make too many pit stops! (Another reason for muscular pain, depression, etc. is dehydration. And it ain't good for the kidneys.) Drink a lot of water when you're home, to make up for the shortage while at work. Consider taking a high-quality version of l-tryptophan called 5-HTP (available at health food stores and not expensive). It helps stabilize your serotonin level, has no known side effects, and will improve your mind set, give you quality sleep and calm the nervous nibblin', too. Try adding a good multi-vitamin/mineral and CoQ10, too, to help your overall and heart functions. Pain is a food trigger for you. Mental, physical, spiritual, whatever pain. Pain reminds you of deprivation and hurt and lack of love. Food brings at least temporary comfort; it's something you can have quickly and easily. Recognize that, and give yourself love in other forms. Surround yourself with positive things -- considerate people, things that are really pleasant to your other senses such as scent, touch and hearing. Make your surroundings as beautiful and comfortable to your own tastes as you can. Take along a little nice hand lotion to rub into your paws at work, a scented hanky to sniff occasionally, a silk scarf to feel around your neck, etc. If you can't avoid alcohol, make it one a good one and make it last as long as you can. Preferably with good company, with a book, music, animals or friends. Learn to really cook, not just eat. And always have things around that you can nibble on that are good and good for you, when you simply can't resist. Slow down, treat yourself with love, make some healthy changes, and I'll bet you'll start feeling better soon. And think about job training or school in something less stressful, dear heart. Email me whenever you like. __________________ What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?

01-04-2008, 05:11 AM	#3 (permalink)
Brea V.I.P. Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: USA Posts: 1,283	Kharmine: Thanks; you are sweet! You give me the sniffles! I mainly drive a bus because I don't get along well with people. Too grumpy, too defensive. Too protective of my food. There's a real problem: I DO know how to cook! That has made it worse, if you can believe it. Hm. Sometimes I wonder if I had pets I would be doing better with a lot of this stuff. I never realized that driving would be as bad on my back as the deli was...mainly because I haven't had the horrible pain I got with the slicer. Can you believe my last day job was taking Japanese students to the beach to teach them to boogieboard? sigh*...I also worked on a railroad where I did a lot of lifting and running around. I had very little pain then. It's so strange what causes that. I love to dance...I love it more than anything I've been able to find since giving up fighting. However, it can also bring physical pain. I realize that to perform I have to be slender. I am not. My boyfriend of course says 'you're not even fat, what are you saying?' because he's a good boy that was trained well by somebody along the line...but the point is, I am not thin enough to be a viable performer. I love to teach too but I'd like to be able to share the stage with local dancers. Oh, and my job doesn't provide any benefits...nor does it ever pay overtime. Meaning, if you work overtime, you get paid the same as you get when you work regular hours. Sometimes I think I am getting a very bum deal. __________________ www.breamorgiane.com

01-04-2008, 03:41 PM	#6 (permalink)
LLAIMA Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Hollywood Fl Posts: 70	Hi brea, and rest of the world. I have to say, you are a very transparent person, very opened, which will take you far, I really admire that, and it inspires me to share stuff that not only the mbrs of this forum can read, but the rest of the world too. Growing up I was always an athletic slim little girl, then went rhough changes in my life that affected my eating habits, so more than twice I gained 20 to 30 pounds and lost them without dieting just out of pure exciment, which probably makes me an emotional eater...2 years ago I was in my best weight...119 pounds, I'm 5.4, I was making a living out of dance, but had to work many regular gigs at restaurants that just wore me down specially at one in which I danced outside, in front of the venue the floor was CEMENT which killed my knees, I also started having back problems...anyway... I started turning down the bad gigs, which left me with just the weddings and big events, I also stopped accepting belly dancing gigs because I did not want to upset my man, which was a good man but had a bad image about belly dance... It felt good to take a break, but what happenned was that I gained so much weight that NONE of my outfits fit any more, so I felt in a vicious circle and gained more weight...it was very depressing...a year and a half ago I started working at an office...seating all day which made me gained more ...every time I got a call for a gig I turned it down because I fell I was too fat and the outfits did not fit...but this year I decided I was going to fix my outfits and I DID! I waited for the new year working at the best gig of my life! (AND I HAVE NOT LOST WEIGHT YET) I recomend that you practice pilates, or buy a book named kiseology for dancers and practice the excercises on the book ...if you want we could keep each other updated on the progress because I'm determined to traine hard every day even though I come back very tired from work too. Last edited by LLAIMA; 01-04-2008 at 03:55 PM.

01-04-2008, 04:29 PM	#7 (permalink)
Brea V.I.P. Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: USA Posts: 1,283	Hi Llaima, Wow, what a thoughtful post!! Yes, I do have the tendency to be very honest about myself even online. This is probably going to get me in trouble someday. Hm. I do like the idea of encouraging each other, and also it's good to know that you were still able to get work! I am under the impression that I can't perform unless I am very thin (which I am not; I look pretty much like I do on my website www.bellydanceblogs.net/brea). Sitting all day is not helpful either. I don't enjoy my job all that much and especially since I REALLY don't want to be living here I think that stress gets to me as well. Karena: I have not tried that yet. I also have heard hypnotherapy doesn't work but if you think it would be useful I will look into it. From what I have been told the triggers are very strong in people who have almost starved because they associate every time they are hungry with starvation and anytime they get food they need to eat it all. Eve: thank you! I haven't looked into pilates. I also do agree I recognize what I am doing but I haven't been able to stop it even so. __________________ www.breamorgiane.com Last edited by Brea; 01-04-2008 at 04:33 PM.

01-04-2008, 11:59 AM	#4 (permalink)
karena Moderator Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: The North, UK Posts: 809	Have you tried osteopathy at all for the back problems? Sorts me out a treat. And for the relationship with food and drink, personally I would suggest hypnotheraphy or nlp. If your brain has learnt to associate certain things with food, then you can teach it to disassociate those things. Best wishes with it.

01-04-2008, 03:27 PM	#5 (permalink)
Eve Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: UK Posts: 133	pilates and yoga are good for maintaining a healthy back, it may also help you to destress and it could over time help you deal with some of your food issues. You seem to recognise certain triggers that set you off making food choices that make you feel bad or guilty. The next thing to do is take control over them, don't think of food as good or bad (leads to guilt). When you feel the urge to scoff cookies or whatever it is ask yourself do I really want this or do I want to change the way I feel? If you're really hungry eat.

01-04-2008, 04:53 PM	#9 (permalink)
Aziyade V.I.P. Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Cornfields of Evansville Indiana. Posts: 1,050	Brea, I really would like to recommend a free website called Free Diet Plans at SparkPeople -- I don't own stock in it or anything, but I think it's a fantastic resource and they have special groups and support teams for people with specific issues regarding health, fitness, food, weight, etc. I think you might find people there who have similar problems and can help you through some of them. Although most people are on the site to lose weight, it's more than just that. They do have a food and fitness tracker to help you with that, though.

01-04-2008, 05:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
Brea V.I.P. Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: USA Posts: 1,283	Oh, Llaima, I am sorry to hear that! But you have that same feeling, maybe? Where you HAVE to eat? It is a very strange, frightening feeling for those of us who have it. Thanks, aziyade, I will check out that site! __________________ www.breamorgiane.com