You have my admiration for forging ahead in your life despite all you have gone through!
I have never been without food, but do have food issues; nothing on the scale of what you have gone through, however. My parents both grew up with very little, and so things like restaurants and ice cream etc were for very special occasions only. Of course as soon as I moved out on my own, these became the primary ways I congratulated myself when things went well, or consoled myself when things went badly.
Also, I disliked my profession for most of my working life, and going "out" was a way to manufacture a holiday, an event. It was a generated special occasion in my otherwise depressing life.
I have come to two conclusions: firstly, if I dedicate myself to a profession that brings me fulfillment, I will not need to manufacture special occasions to give myself something to look forward to. Archeologists discovering million year old bones don't NEED to go out for dinner three times a week to give their lives highlights! Neither do astronauts. I am dedicating myself to making a living as a freelance writer. I am terrified beyond imagination, but I am already discovering the fulfillment.
Secondly, and I think this is the biggie, I have realized that I have a hard time regarding the Universe in general as being in a state of Bounty - Bounty I can access whenever I wish and have a right to. It is a kind of trust or faith issue. I have a tendency to hoard things and consume things because I have this idea that "such a great deal won't come along again" or "what if I NEED an empty margarine container and DON'T HAVE ONE!! (horrors!! LOL!)".
Strangely, I order a medium Mocha everyday before work. I ALWAYS throw out half of it at the end of the day. The last few mornings I made a concerted effort to ask for a SMALL mocha. It was actually difficult! I had to repeat it in my mind over and over like a mantra as I stood in line. I kept thinking, "what if I FINISH it part way through the day? I'll be without coffee!"
I mean, that's ridiculous! I work in a mall. The coffee house in three doors down. I'll get another if I have to. But it's not about the coffee, really. It's about my need to have the confidence in the Universe to provide me with all that I need - it's not out to trick me or deprive me - and the confidence to really KNOW that I am capable of accessing that Bounty - no one can keep me from it, no one is more entitled to it. Food, money, happiness, etc.
I have never had to deal with the powerful issues that you have, but I hope that we can all help each other.
Our thoughts and hearts are with you and behind you!
I wish you Bounty,
AT